Stress, Anxiety and Our Kids

Children and teens are not immune to feelings of stress and anxiety. Every day they battle a range of pressures from friends, parents, school, society and social media. 

To some extent, these feelings are normal. However, for some, the stress and anxiety can become so overwhelming that it begins to interfere with everyday life. According to the National Institutes of Health (NIH), 1 in 3 Americans ages 13 to 18 will experience an anxiety disorder. 

It can sometimes be challenging for parents to know when your child’s stress levels have become worrisome — but there are signs you can look for. 

If stress and anxiety begin to disrupt regular routines, if your child is throwing up before they go to school, if you can’t talk your child through their problem or if they start self-isolating or withdrawing from activities they once loved, there may be cause for concern. There are also physical signs parents can be on the lookout for, such as frequent headaches and stomach aches or new ticks like biting their fingernails or twisting or pulling their hair. 

There is, unfortunately, no one-size-fits-all solution for children having difficulty coping with the stress and anxiety in their life. Instead, there are some things every parent can keep in mind:

Don’t try to eliminate every stressor in your child’s life. Helping children and teens avoid the things they find stressful may make them feel better in the short term, but it only reinforces anxiety over the long run. Instead, your job is to help them learn how to cope and function as well as they can with their anxiety. 

Encourage your child to talk about it. Go into the conversation ready and willing to listen without judgment. Once you have a better understanding of what your child is dealing with, be prepared to admit that you don’t have an instant fix but assure them that you are there to help. The key is to express confidence that he or she is going to be okay.

Identify a trusted adult who can help. Approaching these difficult conversations is often more comfortable if you’ve established open lines of communication with your child early. Sometimes, however, children — especially teenagers — find it difficult to discuss their problems with parents. 

In this case, I recommend mutually identifying another trusted adult, such as an aunt, uncle or close family friend, that your child can talk to when they don’t want to talk to you. You come up with a list, and your child can come up with a list and then pick the person together. This person will serve as a trusted advisor who your child can go to with problems and who will be a sounding board. This becomes one of the ways your child can cope during periods of stress or anxiety.  

Remember, seeking professional help is healthy. There is often a stigma around mental health, which can keep individuals from seeking the help they truly need. If your child’s stress or anxiety becomes difficult to manage or chronic, professional support or even medication may be necessary. 

Model healthy behaviors. Children and teens are often very in tune with their parent’s emotions. You can help kids handle anxiety by letting them see how you cope with stress yourself.