5 Tips for Dealing with Separation Anxiety

All toddlers experience some form of separation anxiety. Whether you are using a new babysitter, taking your child to a new daycare, or getting them ready for the first day of school, it’s to be expected that most young children will cry or throw a fit when you leave them for the first time — or even the first few times.

The best way to handle these moments is to understand that they are normal and to be ready for them, said Dr. Tanya Fitts.

“When you are ready for the separation, when you know how to handle it, you can help your child through those transitional moments and make them comfortable when you have to leave them,” she said.

To help get you started, follow these five tips:

1. Get your child familiar with their new caretaker. One of the best ways to curb any potential separation anxiety is to introduce your child to their new teacher or caretaker before you leave them in that individual’s care. Schools typically have “meet the teacher” nights or events, which makes this step easier. But, if you’re bringing on a new babysitter you should set up a time at your home, where your child is comfortable, to spend time with the babysitter.

2. Be specific about when you will return. And do it in kid-friendly terminology. “Kids don’t understand ‘I’ll be back at 2 p.m.,’” said Dr. Fitts. “But they can wrap their brains around, ‘You’re going to play outside with your friends, have your lunch, have your nap and then I’m going to pick you up.”

3. Sing a song. Help your child understand that when parents leave it’s normal, using something they understand. “Daniel Tiger has a great song called ‘Grown Ups Come Back,’ that reinforces the message you are probably trying to explain to your child already: You’ll be back to pick them up,” said Dr. Fitts. “It’s something my children and I listened to together often when they were younger.”

4. Don’t make leaving a big deal. It’s nice to have a ritual whenever you drop your child off at school or whenever you leave them with a babysitter, such as a secret handshake or a special saying. Whatever it is, however, make it quick. A prolonged goodbye will only drag out the process and make it worse. On the flip side, however, don’t simply sneak out. It may make the anxiety your child feels about the separation even worse, according to Dr. Fitts.

5. Give yourself a break. “It is only natural that you will feel guilt for leaving your child at a daycare or with a babysitter when they are upset, when they are screaming for you,” said Dr. Fitts. “But it’s something we all have to do, especially working parents — and it’s okay, we need to be okay with it and we need to remember that our children will also be okay.”